I've migrated!

You will now find me and my craziness at yantas.weebly.com.

I want to Belieb

Who should you feel worse for?

So Justin Bieber's roast recently happened.  He's probably a bad person.  He's probably got a few children he doesn't know about out there.  Yes, he abandoned his pet monkey.

And, yes, he likely has good PR guy.

You wouldn't be wrong for disliking him, but here's why I think he's somewhat justified.  Firstly, when you give millions of dollars to a kid, you can't expect him to diversify his portfolio and quietly live his life.  Think about why you're not nutjob, maybe you were taught in middle school that you probably wouldn't rise to greatness. At some point you realized the high chance that you, or anyone you know will be president of the United States.

That reality never came to JB.  His reality was everyone else's wildest dreams.

Now you still might think that this is no excuse.  After all, when you were 18 you never crashed you sports car in Miami.  Yes, tell me more about that sports car you didn't crash.  We're taught be our failures, and that's how we learn.  When someone doesn't have any failures, where do you learn?  JB did not have to do the roast, and he didn't have to turn his brand image around.  He could live off royalties and investments for the rest of his life.

He wants to turn his image around, but then again, maybe he just has a good PR guy.

Big Blog Post. For You.

The infamous video.

I feel like a lot of people are missing out on this internet joke.  Take a moment to at least watch 30 seconds of the above video. Done?  Ok, read on.

Right, so it sounds kind of stilted and unnatural right?  Christopher Nolan, director of The Dark Knight Rises, is known to have some bad dialogue in his films.  Not to discredit him, but there is the occasional slip-up.  This is probably the biggest example of that, as Tom Hardy himself change the meaning of the exchange.  As mentioned in this Reddit AMA, it was meant to be "painful for you," but he took it as "big guy for you."

If at this point you are still not amused, give me one more chance to sell it to you.

Now this big of dialogue caught fire and started to make waves on the internet.  It  took you out of the otherwise thrilling film.  Then the parodies started.  Here are a few.

"Belt loop" is my favorite thing

An electro-OPERA

You get the idea.  What gets me is that people simply liking this joke takes it to such a higher level then it could reach on its own.  The scene feeds the jokes and the jokes feed the scene.  I can't stop saying, "for you."

 Let's try an experiment, go back and watch the first video.

Heart, and why Community is amazing

That's creator of the show Dan Harmon in the poster

I have a strong connection to Community.  It's the last show from the legendary Thursday NBC lineup from when I was in high school.  That was the highlight of my week: 30 Rock, The Office, Parks and Rec, and Community.  It was incredible.

Now there's one comedy standing, Community.  This show has been resurrected multiple times, and has one of the most potent fan followings of all time. I say potent, because we're certainly not large in numbers.  We're underdogs, who love this show about underdogs.  It's quick-witted, narcissistic, and too high-concept at times.  But it makes up with heart.  

I encourage everyone to start paying attention to this.  Does it have heart?  Think about the difference between something like Transformers 4 and Back to the Future.  One undeniably has heart.  It makes us feel something, and it stirs us in our core.  

Let's do another one.  Think about Terminator Salvation and Guardians of the Galaxy.  One was dry and the other one lit you up inside.

Now, don't mistake that with a movie having sensibility or being cheery.  Terminator 2 definitely had heart, it made you care, and then you felt something when that thumbs-up disappeared into lava. In the first Transformers, you felt for the soldiers, and you took people's motivations seriously.

Remember, the moment where Prime says,  "It's you and me, Megatron."

Megatron replies, "No. it's just me, Prime."

CHILLS

That's what Community brings to the table, and that's why we're getting that movie.

Harry Potter Houses

TWO FOUR SIX EIGHT WE DON'T WANT TO INTEGRATE

I normally choose not to share this opinion.  But here goes: the Houses of Harry Potter are evil.  I know people identify with the houses, and it's a fun thing.  The book are amazing.  Whatever. I'm still a huge fan.  Read on.

You take this standardized test which then decides what the next seven years of your life are going to be like.  Can you truly judge an eleven-year-old's character?  Where's their sense of self?  It's crazy.  Even in the series Dumbledore speculated that they sort too early.  Which I agree with.

Dumbledore agrees with me.  

Now it's just a huge marketing thing, which I can get behind.  It's a great opportunity, but it goes directly against the teachings of the books.   What I don't understand is how hardcore fans get behind the houses when they represent a lot of what the books are condemning.  Voldemort is trying to create a world with only pure-blooded wizards.  He want wizards to be separate.  Sortings are an archaic convention and I hope they change the sorting process. 

So let me offer a solution:  First, second and third year students go into the same house.  At the start of your fourth year, you are then sorted into one of the four traditional houses.  This takes into consideration your deeds and developments while at Hogwarts.

That one's on me, Jo.

Spirited Away To 1500

Here's a scenario: What if you were sent back in time 500 years, but first you could spend one thousand dollars a Wal-Mart? What would you buy? How would you use it.

Before I give my answer, I'll give you the fine print.

• You have unlimited time to shop.
• You can ONLY take what you buy in person.
• It's a Super Wal-Mart.
• You'll be sent back in time to your exact current location.
• You will never return.
• You can have one month to get your affairs in order.
• You can't tell anyone about the details of the trips.

I would firstly buy multiple outfits. Mostly durable things. I hope this wouldn't run me over 300 dollars.  I would spend the next 200 on tools.  I'd buy knives, saws,  scissors. strings, hunting materials and a few first-aid kits.    The next 300 would be spent on a handgun with bullets to last.  With the remaining money, I'd buy some history books, maps, compass, calculators, and some tents. I would be sure to spent some money on "wow" materials like fireworks.  More on that later.

The game plan.

I would take the months I have left to work out, and bulk-up.  A month isn't very long, so I'd focus on cardio and endurance.  In addition to my body training, I would find out at much as possible about my current area 500 years ago.  Throughout this month, I'd try to remain a sense of normalcy and leave a simple note when I had to go back in time.

So I'd be in the dense, swamp-like Florida of the 1500's.  The first thing I'd do would be to scout the area, then set up my tent and start to chop trees.  The mosquitoes might be a problem, but I'd use the flint I a have to keep a fire going.  Hopefully this wouldn't attract Native Americans right away.

Throughout the next few months I'd try to get a cabin started.  I'd have to be extremely careful as any injuries I sustained would potentially kill me.  I would avoid using some of my more valuable possessions unless absolutely necessary.  I may hunt with the gun initially, but I'd soon switch to traps.

Once I have my cabin established, I would try to make contact with the Native Americans. With an understanding of their culture I would try to impress them with my technology.  The idea is to become their leader.  Now, eventually I'd plan on conquering more tribes, and unifying the Natives under my banner.

Hopefully, this won't take too long, as a month of research will point out weak points.  I'd have to pick up on their language.  At some point I'd be able to stop doing labor myself.  I could get them to start building cabins, and convince them to start farming resources.  If I could advance them enough, by the time I'm 40 I could start building fleets to go to the Old World.

Spidey In Age of Ultron

Sony being Spider-Man

Here's how I would put Spider-Man in Age of Ultron.

In the post-credits scene after Age of Ultron, we see Tony Stark finishing up a lecture at a high school.  "...it was something that was...unavoidable," Tony finishes.  Then we see a hand shoot up in the air from the crowd.   We don't see a face, just the hand.  Tony stops and looks over to the student, and we hear a voice say, "You just could have made a morality loop in the firmware."

"Yea, thanks, pal.  I'll call you next time," Tony replies, annoyed.

"It's Peter," says the boy. And we cut to his face and see a young Parker.

Cut to black.

I'm so excited for Spider-Man to join the Avengers. I think that he will truly make Civil War the experience it needs to be.  Some people are upset that Black Panther won't be in it, but I feel like he will be.  It'd be cool to see them both switch sides, then having tag team fight.   Can you tell I'm excited?

I know that I use Peter Parker in my hypothetical introduction, but I also feel that having a black Spider-Man would differentiate him from Garfield and McGuire.  It's ultimately up to Sony, but I think that'd be an interesting solution to multiple Spider-men.

Better Call Saul

"Just the right amount of dirty."

Last week we were reintroduced to Saul Goodman. Or, as he used to be called, James McGill.

One minute in, I remember what I had been missing since Breaking Bad's explosive finale. Amazing TV.  Everything in this show feels really deliberate and you know that Vince Gilligan has a plan for everything.   It draws you in, and you immediately sympathize with James, who's just trying to make it as a lawyer in the ABQ. I think they were very wise to go with Saul.  His character was already “bad,” now we get to see how he was before.

The first thing that really caught my attention was Ignacio's character.  When we first meet Saul, he thinks he's going to die and throws someone called "Ignacio" under the bus.   Now I'm wondering, that the hell is going to happen between these two guys.  I don't see them being partners like Jesse and Walt, but I'm going to be keeping an eye on that relationship.   Also I'm pretty sure that Ignacio is played by the same guy who's the villain in Far Cry 3.

He's not cut to be a straight-edge lawyer.  He's meant for bigger, badder things.  And I can't wait for him to face off against Hamlin & Hamlin.

El Chapulin Colorado

Wait, let me explain!

Why is there a middle-aged man wearing antennae and a red hood?   

To anyone from north of the border, I'm sure this is all very confusing.  Just take a breath, and let's jump into it.  He's El Chapulin Colorado.  Which basically translates to "The Red Grasshopper." 

He's hard to compare to anyone from Hollywood.  The best I can come up with is an even sillier version of the Adam West Batman.  He uses a giant hammer, shrinking pills, and his wit to fight evil--doers.  But not just super-villains: also, abusive parents and leaders.  

This guy did it all.  He also had a skit show about a hotel (think SNL) and a show about a little boy that lives in a barrel.  Seriously.  You have some Googling to do, my friend.  I genuinely feel a little sorry for anyone that hasn't laughed to this man's work.

Why is this important? Well, because to us Spanish-speakers, he was even bigger than Batman.  Yes, that's right.  This guy basically was SNL, Batman, and Jerry Seinfeld rolled into one.  His name was Chespirito and he died a few months ago.  I have to write about him because of all the hours I spent watching his shows with my family.

Antennae's off to this man.

FILM: God's Not Dead

Bad? Good?  I can't even say.

For the purpose of this blog post I will not state my religion.  I'm going to try to talk about this movie, as a movie.

Did you every get that mail chain about the militantly atheist professor?  The one where the brave, Christian student stands up to and shames the professor?  Well it's now a full-length film.  I'm not kidding, go watch it.  Here's why you should.  And because this is a personal blog, I'm going to use a hacky, numbered list.

1. The debates are solid.  Up until the end (take a wild guess who wins) the debates about philosophy are pretty solid.  If you think they're not, you can surely find someone else to debate that with you.
2. It's kind of silly.  There are 4 or 5 stories in this film, and some of them seemingly go nowhere.  I'm not saying this movie is like The Room, but you'll be entertained for reasons they don't want you to be entertained.
3. Last 20 minutes are a Christian rock concert.  My jaw dropped.  It's very self-indulgent, but I was totally game for it.
4. It's a challenge to be open-minded.  I struggle with this myself, but let's not be negative all the time.  This movie didn't sell me on Christianity, and I watched it without internally mocking Christians.  I hate the idea that some people are going to whine the whole time when they watch this movie.  Be generous and try to enjoy it.  Don't boil with anger when they tell you to text everyone you know. Just don't do it.